Grandma gets offended when her vegan granddaughter brings her own "back-up" food to the family holiday, sparking debate about hospitality and dietary restrictions: 'She tries, but sometimes misses the mark'

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 8, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Older people don't like change. Don't get me wrong, none of us do, but once you reach a certain age of physical maturity, any slight bend to your normal schedule causes you to snap. A grandma in this family was accustomed to hosting the entire family holiday feast, but once her granddaughter became a vegan, everything changed. 

Of course, the vegan girl knew that her dietary restrictions made large family meals complicated, so she was happy to bring her own plate. Common courtesy would suggest that this would be normal practice if your meal plan disrupts the larger menu. However, Grandma's hospitality instinct wouldn't have it. Granny insisted on cooking for her vegan daughter, making special plates and special versions of the meal. 

However well-placed her intentions, she always seemed to miss the mark, throwing butter, cheese, or other non-vegan ingredients in otherwise worthwhile dishes. After one too many family meals spent picking away at the only vegan dish, this young woman took her fate into her own hands, offending Grandma in the process. 

While both sides are perfectly reasonable, this mini family tiff sparked debate about hospitality, loving efforts, and dietary restrictions. You can be the judge on this particular debate and see where you land on the spectrum of familial politeness…

Advertisement
  • Older woman looking at an empty table
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for bringing "back up" vegan food to the family function?
    via gutenoodle
  • I brought my own packaged vegan food to a family get together at my grandma's house.
    via gutenoodle
  • She does try to make sure there are vegan options for me, but sometimes she misses the mark. Example: salad with non-vegan dressing and fried potatoes. So that day I only ate fried potatos.
    via gutenoodle
  • The food was only a "back up" in case that happened again. She was pretty mad when she saw i had brought it, i tried to explain but she
    via gutenoodle
  • said it was rude and that she always makes sure i have enough to eat. (She tries to make sure, but it doesn't always work out)
    via gutenoodle
  • In the past i have offered to cook some vegan dishes together. She said no one is allowed in the kitchen with her.
    via gutenoodle
  • I don't know how else to deal with this, was what I did really rude?
    via gutenoodle
  • RealLuxTempo I'm an older person (66f) so I feel that I can say this. A lot of older people don't get it. They don't want to get it. They want things to be exactly how they want them to be. Their picture perfect holiday table. I'm
    via RealLuxTempo
  • not vegan. Not even vegetarian though I don't eat much meat anymore. However I would not feel the least bit offended if someone brought their own food based on their
    via RealLuxTempo
  • dietary choices, religious dictates or personal health needs. I want my guests to be happy and comfortable.
    via RealLuxTempo
  • That's just me. So, NTA, but maybe avoid the holiday meal time and show up for after dinner festivities if that's possible.
    via RealLuxTempo
  • eternal_entropy NTA. I'm vegan as well, as it's lovely when people cater for you. However there are a lot of things that aren't vegan which non-vegans wouldn't realise and make understandable assumptions about.
    via eternal_entropy
  • You mentioned she has tried and made honest mistakes previously. This wasn't a malicious move to shove in her face that she isn't inclusive of you, but to ensure you were catered for, just in case.
    via eternal_entropy
  • Your grandma clearly takes pride in her hospitality and feels undermined, even though you don't intend it. Going forward is it possible for
    via eternal_entropy
  • her to let you know what vegan options there are going to be? You've said she won't let you join cooking to help, but maybe she'll allow you to make suggestions?
    via eternal_entropy
  • gutenoodle OP Yes! I think that's why I felt so bad about it, because it really upset her. I think she might be open to suggestions if I go about it right. Maybe if I show her something new she'll want to try it too. :)
    via gutennoodle
  • (She hasn't been a fan of changing recipes in the past, i think bc she's so used to the dishes she makes tasting a certain way.) Going into Christmas season I think it's a good idea to ask about the meal plan. Maybe I can help her a bit with the planning at least.
    via gutennoodle
  • Ghosty1028 NTA I have allergies and sometimes people forget or only make sure one food item like a dessert is safe for me. I
    via Ghosty1028
  • need to eat more that just dessert for a meal so sometimes I bring a back up of food. I think it's a normal thing to do if you are vegan or have allergies.
    via Ghosty1028

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama debate dinner family vegan food
Scroll Down For The Next Article