Grandma gets offended when her vegan granddaughter brings her own "back-up" food to the family holiday, sparking debate about hospitality and dietary restrictions: 'She tries, but sometimes misses the mark'

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  • Older woman looking at an empty table
  • AITA for bringing "back up" vegan food to the family function?
  • I brought my own packaged vegan food to a family get together at my grandma's house.
  • She does try to make sure there are vegan options for me, but sometimes she misses the mark. Example: salad with non-vegan dressing and fried potatoes. So that day I only ate fried potatos.
  • The food was only a "back up" in case that happened again. She was pretty mad when she saw i had brought it, i tried to explain but she
  • said it was rude and that she always makes sure i have enough to eat. (She tries to make sure, but it doesn't always work out)
  • In the past i have offered to cook some vegan dishes together. She said no one is allowed in the kitchen with her.
  • I don't know how else to deal with this, was what I did really rude?
  • RealLuxTempo I'm an older person (66f) so I feel that I can say this. A lot of older people don't get it. They don't want to get it. They want things to be exactly how they want them to be. Their picture perfect holiday table. I'm
  • not vegan. Not even vegetarian though I don't eat much meat anymore. However I would not feel the least bit offended if someone brought their own food based on their
  • dietary choices, religious dictates or personal health needs. I want my guests to be happy and comfortable.
  • That's just me. So, NTA, but maybe avoid the holiday meal time and show up for after dinner festivities if that's possible.
  • eternal_entropy NTA. I'm vegan as well, as it's lovely when people cater for you. However there are a lot of things that aren't vegan which non-vegans wouldn't realise and make understandable assumptions about.
  • You mentioned she has tried and made honest mistakes previously. This wasn't a malicious move to shove in her face that she isn't inclusive of you, but to ensure you were catered for, just in case.
  • Your grandma clearly takes pride in her hospitality and feels undermined, even though you don't intend it. Going forward is it possible for
  • her to let you know what vegan options there are going to be? You've said she won't let you join cooking to help, but maybe she'll allow you to make suggestions?
  • gutenoodle OP Yes! I think that's why I felt so bad about it, because it really upset her. I think she might be open to suggestions if I go about it right. Maybe if I show her something new she'll want to try it too. :)
  • (She hasn't been a fan of changing recipes in the past, i think bc she's so used to the dishes she makes tasting a certain way.) Going into Christmas season I think it's a good idea to ask about the meal plan. Maybe I can help her a bit with the planning at least.
  • Ghosty1028 NTA I have allergies and sometimes people forget or only make sure one food item like a dessert is safe for me. I
  • need to eat more that just dessert for a meal so sometimes I bring a back up of food. I think it's a normal thing to do if you are vegan or have allergies.

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